24 January 2010

Scattered Thoughts: Pokémon

WGN aired Pokémon: The Movie 2000 at 2AM this morning. I watched most of the first part of the movie, a short about a bunch of Pokémon's misadventures in a tree (entirely in Pokémon language and, accordingly, awesome when you're drunk) but couldn't bring myself to watch the actual movie. The first scene of the movie proper introduced a bunch of Pokémon I had never seen before, which made me sad (OG 151 REPRESENT). Also, the movie's theme song contained some auto-tuned lyrics.

I still don't know how I convinced my dad to take me to see the first Pokémon movie, the creatively titled Pokémon: The First Movie, back in 1999. I remember being pretty embarrassed when I had to ask the movie theater's manager for the exclusive Pokémon trading card that was supposed to come with the movie ticket. I was fourteen.

While I was in high school, I earnestly searched for a semi-ironic, adult-sized Pokémon T-shirt.
Semi-ironic because teenagers aren't supposed to like stupid kids stuff like Pokémon, but I actually did. In 2008, The Pokémon Company actually manufactured a line of Pokémon T-shirts for adults called "Pokémon 151," and, surprisingly, they weren't all that ugly. A year later, Japanese clothing brand Uniqlo released a series of Pokémon T-shirts for adults that were also wearably good-looking.

In middle school, Brett and I would play the Pokémon Trading Card Game in the library during lunch. I remember being called "gay" for playing the game at least once. After school, Brett and I would walk over to the elementary school where my mom works and play the Pokémon TCG some more before my mom drove us home. The Pokémon TCG was remarkably entertaining because it wasn't as complex as Magic: The Gathering (which I was obsessed with for a good six months or so, even though I never really played it) and was balanced and fun enough to play with just a starter deck. Just thinking about it now makes me want to dig up my old cards and play it again. In 2000, Nintendo released the Pokémon TCG
video game for Game Boy, which saved me a shitload of money because it basically had, built into the game, every card released up to that point. It also allowed me to play the game by myself, which was convenient for reasons that should be obvious by now (i.e., Pokémon fans don't have a lot of friends). Ironically enough, the Pokémon TCG video game came with an actual, physical, limited edition Pokémon card.

I must have been about twelve when my cousin Chris and I bought a copy of Nintendo Power magazine that had a special, pull-out section featuring the soon-to-be-released (in America) Pocket Monsters video game. I don't think they had reveled its English title—"Pokémon"—just yet. It confused me then, and still confuses me now, to think that "Pokémon" is a more Japanese sounding name than "Pocket Monsters." I remember poring over that magazine with Chris for hours while we were in Flagstaff on a family vacation: holy crap, were we going to have fun when that game came out. I bought Pokémon Red; Chris bought Pokémon Blue.

In the summer of 1997, after I finished elementary school, I went to Malaysia with my family for summer vacation. I returned to the United States with a Pocket Monsters coloring book. Neither the Pokémon video game nor the Pokémon cartoon had come out in the United States, so I didn't know the Ash Ketchum character had black hair. I colored his hair brown.

I bought a copy of Pokémon Ruby soon after I acquired a Game Boy Advance SP. I quickly realized I had to sell the game away because it was distracting me too much from schoolwork. That was the last Pokémon game I played.

I recently read that Nintendo has made Nintendo DS remakes of Pokémon Gold and Pokémon Silver, the second installments in the franchise that were originally released for the Game Boy. I am seriously considering buying a copy of this game when it is released in the US, primarily because it's supposed to come packaged with a "Pokéwalker," essentially a Pokémon-themed Tamagotchi/pedometer that syncs with the video game and gives you prizes and stuff. The Pokéwalker is actually Nintendo's third iteration of Pokémon-themed virtuapetometers, following the Pokémon Pikachu and Pokémon Pikachu 2. Kalia and I each had the original Pokémon Pikachu, and I remember playing with it quite a bit. I also remember being rather embarrassed when it made noise in my backpack while at school. I was fourteen.

Alice and I have renamed Diglett. He is now known as "Thumb Guy."

14 January 2010

History



I like every single thing about this. Mos Def and Talib Kweli and The Roots and Dirty Projectors, oh my!

"Did you hear about this?"



I don't usually like Jimmy Kimmel (I tend to associate his show with my grandma), but this is some kind of genius. It makes me happy to know there are media personalities bold enough to openly ridicule Jay Leno in defense of Conan O'Brien. Kimmel stays in character for the entire show, which makes for some truly awkward interviews; I would feel bad for Chevy Chase and Elisha Cuthbert, who seem confused and annoyed by Kimmel's charades, if I didn't hate Leno so much. Kudos to Kimmel.

16 December 2009

"We're gonna Ed Hardy Structured waterboard you, bro"

I once saw a man clothed head-to-toe in Ed Hardy: hat, shirt, jeans, belt, shoes – every square inch of fabric covered in garish tattoo-flash dreck. It was amazing, like some sort of walking car wreck.

01 December 2009

Smoothie Kick

A couple weeks ago I went over to Karson's to drink whiskey and smoke cigars. Karson was planning on meeting some friends at Howl at the Moon and he asked if I wanted to go. I had to explain to him that Howl at the Moon is a piano bar, that piano bars are for bachelorette parties, that they serve cocktails with names like "X-Boyfriend" and "Pear-otica" in phallic drinkware, and that I would not be joining him. We concluded that piano bars are ridiculous and proceeded to play Modern Warfare 2 instead of going to Howl at the Moon. Then we made smoothies, because we are men and not at all gay.

I've taken to making smoothies on a regular basis. I clearly don't get enough fruit (or vegetable, for that matter) in my diet, and buying fresh fruit isn't economically practical for me since fresh fruit tends to rot away in my refrigerator before it makes its way into my belly. You can get a pretty good variety of frozen fruit, which I assume has the same nutritional value of fresh fruit. I suppose I could buy fresh fruit and wait until it ripens, but I'm lazy and impatient. When I was little and it was dinnertime, I would wish I could just drink my meal instead of eating it because apparently moving my jaw up and down was too much work (I was lazy then, too). So, smoothies.

PRO TIP: Honey tastes good in a smoothie. Take a bottle of water, drink half of it, fill the rest of the bottle with honey, shake well. Use this stuff in your smoothie and it will actually mix with the other ingredients instead of just sticking to the sides of the blender. This is the best idea I've had in years.

09 October 2009

Dominos Pizza Rabbit

Kalia: "What was that one video game with the rabbit and it had to get pizzas or something...was it dominos pizza rabbit or something?"

Answer: Yo! Noid for the NES



There's an interesting story about the Domino's Noid that I'm just going to steal from Wikipedia:

"In 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill customer who thought the ads were a personal attack on him, held two employees of an Atlanta, Georgia Domino's restaurant hostage for over five hours. After forcing them to make him a pizza and making demands for $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of The Widow's Son, Noid surrendered to the police. Noid was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, extortion, and possession of a firearm during a crime. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity."

My favorite part about that story is how he forced the Domino's employees to make him a pizza. I wonder if he crushed it.

07 October 2009

Neo Geo Sexy-time

Like video games? Well, get ready to like them even more. Or hate them. (Or become sexually aroused by them, your call.)

Warning: NSFWIYWAAP (not safe for work if you work at a preschool)



Via
Tiny Cartridge, who put it best: "You can actually see his collection losing its value in real time with this video—I imagine the carts plummeted to some sort of negative worth around the 1:24 mark, when the Neo Geo fan pulls down his shorts to tease viewers with a glimpse of his ass."

05 October 2009

Super-Busy Hospital 2

"I like video games, but they're very violent. I want to design a video game in which you have to take care of all the people who have been shot in the other games. 'Hey man, what are you playin'?' 'Super-Busy Hospital 2. Please leave me alone, I need to concentrate. I'm performing surgery on a man who was shot in the head fifty-seven times.'"
Demetri Martin

21 September 2009

Super Video Game Day

A good day for mail and a good day for video games.



Meat Bun's Nintendo riff on that trendy Beatles shirt by 2K x Experimental Jetset from a while back. I have a feeling I'm going to get really tired of explaining this. Meat Bun sold out their entire stock of shirts during their Labor Day sale: good for them, but not so much for people who want video game T-shirts that won't lead to getting beaten up.

(Speaking of meat buns, I thought it was hilarious when Brett referred to a char siu bao as a "meat muffin," but it totally makes sense. My mom said she heard one of her students call them "saucy bones," which makes less sense. If you're going to take the time to come up with a nonsensical phonetic alternative, why not just learn the real name?
)

Three zines from the newly opened Attract Mode shop: two issues of Fort90, and one of 1-UP. I'm surprised I hadn't heard about 1-UP sooner; lots of big indie (oxymoron?) comics/art names in that one. And until Attract Mode started selling cool video game stuff, I honestly had no idea that people were even making zines about video games. All of the Attract Mode goodies came in an awesome "Game Buddy" box. It reminds me of the cardboard Game Boys that my Aunt Judy used to make, which were as cool as - if not cooler than - the real things. I'm pretty sure this was at a time when my cousins actually owned real Game Boys, yet we still played with cardboard versions.

Also, a glare-coated copy of Scribblenauts. Much harder than I expected, but promises to be a lot of fun.

UPDATE/MICRO-REVIEW: Scribblenauts = not a lot of fun. Did you know Amazon.com buys used video games?

08 September 2009

HOW TO

...Make a delicious, crappy pizza even more delicious (and slightly less crappy):

Totino's Crisp Crust Party Pizza ("Supreme")
+ Sliced Peppadews
+ Halved grape tomatoes & sea salt
+ Shaved Parmesan cheese